Long-lost Friends

"Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver, the other gold."  Remember this old quote?  I was surfing Facebook today and found the home page of a dear friend I had lost touch with many years ago.  We were best of friends from 2nd through 10th grade and even reunited one weekend several years after college with our husbands in tow.  We drifted apart after that under the pressures and demands of life and I sorely regretted letting that connection lapse.  I trust that time has not dimmed that spark of a friendship and we can be friends anew, learning all that has happened in the intervening years, laughing and crying and sharing again.

It's wonderful to make new friends - find out how many things you have in common, delight in exploring each other's lives, loves, and history.  It's the kind of adventure that makes me feel young.  But, it's also wonderful to have old friends - those special people who have stayed in your life regardless of the trials, the years, or the miles apart.  It's treasure knowing there is someone just a phone call or knock away with whom you can share a secret without fear, cry in desperation, or glory in a triumph.  And one to whom you can say "Remember when..." and s/he won't groan because "Mom always tells that story,"  but will laugh with you until the tears run, and even add something you've forgotten.  Maybe there should be a corollary to that quotation, as in "The first keeps you young, the second takes you home."  It's not perfect - but hey, I don't make my living as a poet!

Keeping Up With the Kids

Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit one of my friends who has a 17-month old son. I have to say, that's a tough age to keep up with! Despite our best plans, he decided on this day to not take his nap. I don't know how moms manage to have the energy. I loved playing with this guy, but was exhausted when I got home. Then again, I'm at the grandma stage, not the mom stage. In fact, while my friend looked for birthday presents at the toy store and I pushed her son around in the stroller, one auntie asked me if he was my grandson. I had to laugh at my reaction, as I don't really think of myself as that old, despite the calendar.

Each age has its trials and its blessings and I find myself looking more at babies and little children and reacting much differently than I used to.  My heart just melts and I can't help but smile at them - and funny enough - most of them smile back at me.  I guess I now have a "grandma" face to which they can relate.  No more tense, stressed out professional woman, am I.  I have the time to look, to smile, and to enjoy the best of these tykes - and then go home to rest afterwards!

Evening on the Town

On Thursday, we dined at the Rise with several of Randy's co-workers and visitors from Genentech.  The restaurant is a casual dining buffet located on the lobby level of the new Marina Bay Sands Hotel, Tower 1.  The seafood is good & plentiful, but the desserts were the best, being tasty and light.  Mary Lou posed with us at the ticket counter before we headed up to the Skypark.

This photos is one of many I took up top.  Although it was a bit misty this night, it's still a  fabulous  place to view the Marina area of Singapore, especially  with all the lights.  The "infinity" pool one level up from the observation deck is only for the use of hotel guests, but you can get very close to it to get the effect of being right at the edge of the building.  Not for the faint-hearted!  The trees lining the walkway make for a lush setting and you can hang around as long as you like, taking in the view.  Well worth the S$20 pax!

We wandered through the shopping centre surrounding the casino afterwards.  It's a multi-level extravaganza that seems to be filling up fairly quickly as construction is completed.  We're not quite up to the level of consumerism required to actually purchase something at these high-end shops, but it sure is interesting to see the merchandise on display.  One huge diamond displayed was several million dollars!

It's also Mid-Autumn Festival & moon cakes can be found everywhere.  This very rich pressed cake is indispensable during this moon-worship festival, one of the four most important Chinese holidays.  It comes in many different styles and quality levels, but is typically made with a lotus-seed paste filling surrounded by a thin pastry crust with embossed/raised symbols.  This beautiful display shows a mold and some of the ingredients included. Yum!

Life Connections

This week we got disturbing news that two of our oldest friends and brothers in Christ are in the hospital.  When these things happen, I feel every inch of that 8,500+ miles that we are away from "home."  Sending an email seems so inadequate, calling is difficult with the slow access speed here, and hugs just don't cross the miles.  With all our modern ways to communicate, nothing can replace being face-to-face in troubled times.  I think of the difficult times in our lives when our friends sat with us in emergency or surgery waiting rooms, brought us meals as we struggled with home care, and lent us ears to listen and soft shoulders to cry into when we couldn't bear things anymore.  This is what God  intended for us - to turn to Him in prayer and to each other for comfort and support.  I'm sorry I can't be there for our old friends right now, but I hope that our new friends here know we are here for them.

Lessons on Life - Bali Style

We returned to Singapore on Monday evening after a wonderful 4-day stay in Bali, Indonesia.  Here's a shot of us properly clad inside a temple near the governor's mansion.  It was our first visit to Bali and we came away, not with a golden tan but, a deep appreciation of Balinese culture.  For those who are not familiar with Bali, it is one of the thousands of islands forming the nation of  Indonesia.  It's only 2-1/2 hours by plane from Singapore to Denpasar International Airport and it's similar in climate, but south of the equator.

Unlike the rest of Indonesia which is Muslim, Bali is primarily Hindu, and there are temples everywhere, and offerings even in front of shops, that are refreshed every morning.  We found the people to be peaceable, friendly, and family-oriented.  I was particularly drawn to their traditional home compounds, which you still see once you leave the impersonal cities.  Ancient stone walls provide neighborly yet defining separations between compounds and once you step through the front entry (after soothing the ever-present watch dog) you see small buildings - some with only two walls - spaced around the compound, each devoted to one task - cooking, sleeping, storage, working.  The family is multi-generational and may include a widowed aunt or an unmarried cousin, with all the love, caring, and responsibilities that such an arrangement entails.  Ancestors have a special place in the compound as well, where the family shrine is located at the corner of the compound that faces Mount Agung, the highest spot in Bali and therefore the appropriate place for God, Ida Sanghyang Widhi.  The entire village is close-knit as well, sharing in such activities as the elaborate preparations for a cremation ceremony and maintaining the critical water system of the rice fields that supply the main food source.

There is often only hard-packed dirt between the buildings with chickens and dogs roaming at will.  The central area blends seamlessly into a large gardening area at the back, where the family produces much of their supplemental food needs, such as coconuts, coffee, spices, corn, bananas, pineapple, and yams.  The chickens not only provide eggs, fertilizer, and the occasional dinner, but the roosters are an important part of a ceremony that begins with cock fighting.  The compound we visited also had a pen behind the cooking building that housed two young, very pink pigs.  Later when I asked about clothes washing, I was told the deep concrete canal that runs between the road and the front wall of the compounds filled with fast moving water is usually used to hand wash the clothes!  Not the easiest of lives, but we could learn a bit from Bali's traditional lifestyle in existence long before the "green" movement was ever conceived.

Life Traps

We have begun a new study with our church  in Singapore called "Good Enough Parenting."  It's based on life-trap or schema therapy, using movie clips to augment  our understanding.  It's profound and a bit daunting to us parents to realize there are so many things we need to provide for our children so they can grow up to be healthy in mind as well as body and soul.

The basic concept is that if children do not have their core needs met, they will develop life traps that are self-defeating maladaptions that can affect the way they interact with the world for the rest of their lives.  It's like a little recording we play in our heads when triggered by an event.  For example, after being frequently berated and belittled by a parent when growing up, we would have a recording telling us we are worthless and will never amount to anything.  Then, as adults, when we find ourselves in a situation that triggers the life trap, such as having a performance review, we hear that recording.  This can be very painful, so we find a way to cope (three general styles) to avoid the pain:  we surrender by giving in and agreeing with our life trap; we avoid by finding ways to escape or block it out (binge eating, drinking, running away), or we overcompensate by doing the opposite of our life trap (such as by counterattacking).

A typical well-adjusted adult may have three or four of these life traps, but they may be set at a "low volume" and we don't find them more than slightly troubling when triggered.  But, if the recordings are set at a high volume, they will seriously impair how we feel about ourselves and our relationships.  Amazing concept, isn't it?  I'm not usually intrigued by psychotherapy approaches, but this way of looking at people resonates with me as a lay person, and I think it's a very workable approach for helping parents avoid reproducing their life traps in their children, as well as generally helping people suffering with their life traps.

I'm not a professional in this field and the above is just my personal understanding of the approach, so if you are interested in hearing from the professionals, you can read more about schema therapy from its founder, Dr. Jeffrey Young, at http://www.schematherapy.com/ or, if you are in Singapore, come to the sessions at Central Christian Church (http://www.seachurches.org/new_website/.)

"Pushing" Sixty

Bedok Reservoir, Singapore

The usual meaning for "pushing" an age is that you  are close to becoming that age.  As we enjoy the last year of our 50s, I have a new definition:  push the limits for that age - push yourself to break the mental and physical barriers assigned to that age.  Randy and I don't feel the age we are, and we probably don't act the age we are, so why comply with societal perceived age limits?

Last night at sunset, we once again joined our friends for a walk/run around Bedok Reservoir (photo above.)  It was gorgeous!  This reservoir located in eastern Singapore, was completed in 1986 when the Sungei Seletar was dammed at the site of a former sand quarry and a borrow pit for the Bedok Waterworks.  A wide gravel pathway runs the entire perimeter of the reservoir, amidst lush trees, a tree-top challenge course, a great fishing pier, and other amenities., including lighting.  I only committed to walking the perimeter twice, as I am about a month behind the others in training, but Randy was awesome,  making it three times around (12.9 km or 8.2 miles!)  Our younger and more fit friends did an astounding four loops, but we also heard a lot of groans and moans as we got out of the taxi back at home.

Bukit Timah Nature Reserve

Monkey Outside Bukit Timah Reserve

Last Saturday a group of us decided to hike around Bukit Timah Nature Reserve and rainwater catchment area.  It contains about 160 ha (400 acres) of pristine rainforest and is home to a huge variety of plants, some of which are found only here.  When one is here, you can hardly believe you are only a short distance from a vibrant and busy metropolis.  The preserve is also home to over 500 species of animals, incluidng long-tailed macaques or monkeys, of which this little lady is one.  (She calmly sat on the walkway as we passed by.)  We didn't get a chance to see any of the flying lemurs or squirrels, but some ran across one ant variety that is over an inch long! 

It's very impressive how land has been saved in several areas like this to preserve a piece of Singapore's history and more importantly, protect so many species of flora and fauna that otherwise would disappear under the concrete and stone of Singapore developments.  So often in the morning, as I open the windows of our flat, I have to close them again until the smoke from the fires of Indonesian rainforest burnings has cleared.  When you see the poverty of these lands, you can understand the desire to do what it takes to make money to survive.  In our own country, we Americans did similar damage to so much of our land (and still we continue).  There just wasn't anyone to say "Stop!  You don't know what long-term damage you are doing to the environment."  It hurts me to realize the ecological damage that is being done there and other developing areas in Asia, but we certainly cannot point fingers too strongly.  Near our own Mullhaven, there are two place called Alpha and Omega Diggings that look like the moon, they are so damaged from the water cannons used over 150 years ago during the gold rush.

The Work of One's Life

From where does peace come?  As I walk the crowded streets of Singapore, I see people who are healthy, well dressed, fair of face, and full of intention as they walk.  But what is their direction?  I also see strain and in some, a look of desperation.

I love this country and its people, but I worry about the extent of Western culture on its development, particularly its societal values.  Singapore has much of which to be proud.  As I look over the City, it's hard to remember this tiny country is only 45 years old.  It contains architectural buildings of extraordinary beauty and its fountains and gardens delight the eye in every direction.  The health care is of such a high level that "medical tourism" is a real phenomenon.  It hurts my local pride to admit it, but I feel significantly safer here than in many places in the San Francisco Bay Area.  The cleanliness and efficiency of its public transportation system are not to be believed.  And finally, its cultural history is diverse and rich like a fine California cabernet, to be sniffed and sipped and savored to get the fullness of its delights.

The trap I see, is unbridled consumerism - desire without purpose, buying without cause, development without balance.  To say that shopping is a large part of Singaporean culture is like saying Hoosiers are partial to basketball or Italians are fond of soccer.  America has fallen victim to its success in this way.  We spent generations toiling to raise our own standard of living, and once we had what most countries envy, we continued on, devolved that nation-building urge into a lust for the largest flat panel TV screen or luxury car or designer purse to "complete" us.  We left our first love somewhere on the path to success and all our belongings in the bulging closets of our bloated single-family estates will never fill the emptiness inside us.  If we are not acting from a core of fulfillment, knowing we have a purpose and we are doing the work we were born to do, all the things we buy, the worldly successes we pile up, will become ashes in our mouths and screaming emptiness in our hearts.

I just pray that our hard-working brothers and sisters in Singapore can take the time to learn from our mistakes, remembering the values of their heritage so they can find balance between national growth and personal fulfillment.

Deja Vu

Is deja vu life's way of telling you you're exactly where you are supposed to be?  (I'm quoting the latest episode of "Lost.")  You know that unsettling little event when you know without a doubt what is going to happen or what someone is going to say (including yourself) a split second before it happens.  You get that  momentary disorientation, then a real spine shiver if you dwell on it. 

A Buddhist might revise the above definition to "you're exactly where you keep ending up because you  haven't learned to move on."  As for myself, I appreciate the concept of grace.  I don't really want to depend wholly on myself to figure out this universe or base my chance at nirvana (or heaven) on how well I do alone.  

I have had so many instances of deja vu in my life, that I can't help but have my own theory.  I think it is a little nudge, whether it be from within yourself or from a beneficent outside source telling you to wake up!  Look around at what is happening RIGHT NOW with your life.  It's important!  Whether you need to actually do something different in the next five minutes or you need to just be more aware of the moment, is something a person has to determine for oneself.

Addictive Television Shows

Have you found yourself impatiently waiting for the next episode of a television show?  It seems as if writers are getting a lot better at designing shows that make it impossible to stop watching.  Whatever the reason, to miss a weekly episode of such offerings as "Fringe" or the new "Heroes" means you have missed vital information and will be "Lost" for the rest of the season (pun intended.)  Not being one who remembers what network, let alone what channel carries a particular show, I am grateful that my spouse is so handy at recording these offerings so we can view them in their proper order when we are ready.

What is Mullhaven?

Mullhaven Drive - July 2010

First of all, it's the name of our family retreat high in the Sierra Nevadas of Northern California:  Mull (family name; means "mountain") + Haven (shelter; place of safety).   Further,  it's a state of mind that no matter where the Mulls are, we are centered and at peace.  Not a bad place to be!

We bought this property in 1989, when we gave up camping at Bullard's Bar Reservoir because of its "improvements."  We were sad to leave our favorite fishing holes of fat bluegill, but it was a blessing in disguise.  This timber land has tested and defined us in our attempts to be good stewards.