Life Traps

We have begun a new study with our church  in Singapore called "Good Enough Parenting."  It's based on life-trap or schema therapy, using movie clips to augment  our understanding.  It's profound and a bit daunting to us parents to realize there are so many things we need to provide for our children so they can grow up to be healthy in mind as well as body and soul.

The basic concept is that if children do not have their core needs met, they will develop life traps that are self-defeating maladaptions that can affect the way they interact with the world for the rest of their lives.  It's like a little recording we play in our heads when triggered by an event.  For example, after being frequently berated and belittled by a parent when growing up, we would have a recording telling us we are worthless and will never amount to anything.  Then, as adults, when we find ourselves in a situation that triggers the life trap, such as having a performance review, we hear that recording.  This can be very painful, so we find a way to cope (three general styles) to avoid the pain:  we surrender by giving in and agreeing with our life trap; we avoid by finding ways to escape or block it out (binge eating, drinking, running away), or we overcompensate by doing the opposite of our life trap (such as by counterattacking).

A typical well-adjusted adult may have three or four of these life traps, but they may be set at a "low volume" and we don't find them more than slightly troubling when triggered.  But, if the recordings are set at a high volume, they will seriously impair how we feel about ourselves and our relationships.  Amazing concept, isn't it?  I'm not usually intrigued by psychotherapy approaches, but this way of looking at people resonates with me as a lay person, and I think it's a very workable approach for helping parents avoid reproducing their life traps in their children, as well as generally helping people suffering with their life traps.

I'm not a professional in this field and the above is just my personal understanding of the approach, so if you are interested in hearing from the professionals, you can read more about schema therapy from its founder, Dr. Jeffrey Young, at http://www.schematherapy.com/ or, if you are in Singapore, come to the sessions at Central Christian Church (http://www.seachurches.org/new_website/.)